Have you ever had a panic attack?

They’re awful!

In my experience, they feel pretty much exactly how a heart attack is supposed to feel – you think you’re going to die. You can barely breathe, you can feel every painful heartbeat, and you want to vomit. And, unless you hyperventilate, the people around you are unlikely to realise it’s happening.

So, I had that going on.

Then there was the depression. You know, that not-so-little voice that tells you that you’re worthless? That there’s nothing worth doing or living for? Yeah, that was around. It sucked.

You’d think that was enough, yeah?

Oh no, no, no.

Have some CHRONIC FATIGUE!

So, now I have depression saying “You’re worthless – die!” and anxiety saying “Come on, do better, let’s go, you’re gonna fail!” and then chronic fatigue being like “Ha! You thought you were going to get out of bed today? Cute.”

Naturally, I had some questions for God. By this stage, I knew God was good. I knew God was faithful. The question that was now festering in my brain was “Do you care, God? Like, at all? About me, as a person, not just as a sinner in need of saving.”

After a few months of struggling with this and apparently coming up with nothing, I did what I always do when I need to express myself and be heard – I took to the internet and blogged.

A couple of days later, a message showed up in my inbox from a friend. It didn’t have much in it, just these verses from Psalm 103:13-14:

As a father has compassion on his children,
So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him;
for He knows how we are formed,
He remembers that we are dust.
Psalm 103: 13 - 14

So, here it was the first piece of the answer that God was, and still is, giving me.

Yes, God cares. Or at least He knows what I’m made of. He doesn’t expect me to be Wonder Woman, and He’s not going to punish me for not being well.

It was some time later (I don’t remember how long) that the second – and largest – piece arrived.

Now, there’s a way of reading Bible passages called Imaginative Contemplation, and that’s what I decided to do with this one.

So, a quick explanation of Imaginative Contemplation. When you read a story you imagine yourself in it as a character, seeing the story unfold or having the story happen to you, and you use that to notice things that God may be trying to say to you.

On to the story.

Elijah was a prophet, which means he had the tough job of going to people who were disobeying God and being like “Yo, pull yourselves together, do the right thing!” Which, as you can imagine, was not winning him any popularity contests,

Anyway, there was a long-standing rivalry between Elijah and the prophets of Baal, who was a false god. It all came to a head in 1 Kings 18, with Elijah challenging Baal to a contest on behalf of God. Which God won. Rather spectacularly.

Jezebel, however, was kind of ticked off about all of this and threatened to kill Elijah. And she actually would have done so. How did Elijah react?

Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.”
1 Kings 19: 3 - 4

“and prayed that he might die”

Those words hit hard. ‘Cause I’ve been there. I’ve prayed that I might die. It’s a really, really awful place to be. I’m certain - and saddened – that some of you know what that feels like too.

So how does God respond to Elijah’s death wish? Does He smite him with all His smiteyness? Let’s have a look, huh?

Then He lay down under the bush and fell asleep.
All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.
1 Kings 19: 5 - 6

Oh, oh wow…He didn’t get angry with Elijah. He didn’t split open the heavens and start screaming “How could you?! What are you thinking?!”

No, He let Elijah sleep. Then He provided food and drink, encouraged him to eat, then let him sleep again.

The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he travelled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God.
1 Kings 19:7 - 8

Then, after Elijah has had another sleep, God wakes him up again. And says, essentially, “I know this is all too much for you. Have some more food.”

So Elijah does, and then he’s ready to keep going.

And you know, what struck me about that was that God’s response was one of care. It wasn’t just “Ugh, I’m a faithful God so I’ll stick by you” or “I’m a good God so I’ll be good to you.” No, it’s such a loving, understanding response.

It’s a simple “I know this is hard, I know you’re overwhelmed, so I’m going to take care of you. Get some sleep, eat some food, stay hydrated.”

You know, it wasn’t until I was trying to figure out what I would say to you all today that I picked up on a particular word in the Psalm I mentioned earlier.

That word is “compassion.”

“God has compassion…”

Compassion is defined as “concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.”

And it comes from the Latin word “compati” which means “to suffer with.”

Put these things together, and here in Psalm 103, we are directly told that God cares about us and our suffering. He is affected by it, He is moved by it.

And in the story of Elijah in 1 Kings 19, we get a demonstration of that compassion at work in the face of Elijah’s overwhelming “please God, just let me die” suffering.

So here’s where I’m at now, and here’s what I want you to take away from this:

My life looks nothing like I thought it would. I have anxiety, depression, and chronic fatigue. And quite frankly, it sucks.

But I’m not alone in it. God has compassion – He knows. More importantly, He cares.

He cares for me in my suffering. And He cares for you in yours.

We may not always see it, we may not always feel it, but He always, always cares.